I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
