I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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