I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize