is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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