I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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