don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize