Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
