Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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