I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
