Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize