I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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