I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
