so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
