please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
