the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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