every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
