Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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