I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
