would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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