Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
