A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
