He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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