Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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