I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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