There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize