Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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