do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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