I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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