The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
