Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
