So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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