Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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