A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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