it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
