i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
