there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
