I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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