Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
