kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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