I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
my poor anus
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
