Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
