Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
