he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
