Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
