Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Randomize
