**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
