so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
