dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
