in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
