Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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