people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
