I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
