I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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