I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize