do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
