Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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