happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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