i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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