um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize