just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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