Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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