ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
