Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
