our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
