I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
