East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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