Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
