Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
