I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
