He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
