Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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