I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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