Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
