I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
