so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
