i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize