Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
