she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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