You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
