I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
