should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
