So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
