My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize