How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
