dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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