I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize