Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
