Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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