So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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