Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How does one acquire holy water?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
