so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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