I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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