im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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