Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
