How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
