how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
