let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I need to stop coming to work sober
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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