he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I lost the right to judge tonight
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize