hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
