We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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