Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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