Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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