i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize