we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
