Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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